How I Feel After My First Marathon

It almost feels sacrilegious to say… but I didn’t like the marathon. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t love it either. And that’s okay!

I have crossed a whole lot of finish lines in my running career - sometimes in triumph, sometimes in defeat - and I’ve felt all of the feelings that come with putting your heart and soul into an endeavor. I know when it hits. And I also know when it doesn’t hit on the day, but it sparks a deep and abiding passion for the future. Unfortunately, the marathon gave me neither.

My college coach always told me to take 24 hours after a race to let the emotions settle. Feel your feelings, and then process them after you have had enough space. And that’s what I did.

Thirty hours after crossing the finish line of the New York City marathon, I was running down the middle of the road with my arms stretched out to the sides like an airplane - gliding down a hill in my neighborhood in the dark and feeling the wind in my face as I finished a light shakeout. That’s when it hit me. This was my favorite moment of the weekend. Not the marathon.

This isn’t a knock against the marathon or people who feel all of the feelings surrounding it. I want you to do it. I want you to love it. I want you to find that itch for more - that feeling that there are things in this world that you can’t conquer yet, but maybe, with enough effort and enough heart, there’s a future you that can do those things. I want you to feel like the world stands still for a moment as all those hours and all that work comes to fruition in a single moment when you realize you’re about to do the thing that you had previously only dreamed about.

I know those feelings. I love those feelings. And you know what? I’m gonna chase them… just, not in the marathon.

I’m leaving the marathon unconquered.

And, it’s not because I think it’s too hard. It’s not because I had a bad experience. It’s /certainly/ not because I executed the perfect race. I made mistakes, and I got through them, and I did a perfectly reasonable job at it. And sometimes, that’s all that it needs to be.

I have other hard things to conquer.

And you know what? I also just have some downhills to enjoy in the dark.